The confidence of self (a.k.a. self confidence)

We've all heard about this one, talked about it, learned about it and worked through it and with it on a daily basis

But do we really?

How is it built?  What brings it down?  How does it show up in your life?

These are questions that I have been asking myself lately.  Where is mine?

Sometimes I feel like I have it and a lot of the time I really feel like I don't

Because we tend to associate it with an accomplishment or when we are "doing good" in our lives
We think that is what brings us the ability to believe in ourselves.  To have that confidence of self

But those things are conditional

How can we link what we are worth, link what we think about ourselves, to those types of things?

Does that mean that when we are low, or make a mistake or do something stupid, does that mean that we aren't worth it and shouldn't feel good about who we are as a whole?

That's when we need it the most!  When we falter, when we stumble and sometimes crash and burn.  That's when we have to love ourselves the most.

It would be like being in a relationship and saying "I only love you when things are perfect and you're doing this that and the other thing for me and we're ...blah blah blah..."  insert the rest here

That's not how love works

It is not contingent on what we do, it is an all encompassing thing of everything we are.  Every little piece of us.

I heard a podcast the other day with Matthew Hussey and he was talking about the 3 levels of confidence, the last one being Self Confidence

What he said sat so deep with me, it was acutely profound.

He said, when you ask a parent why they love their child what do they typically answer with?

"What do you mean?  It's my kid.  That's why.  They're mine"

So..... what does that mean for us?  For us as individuals working through the varying levels of how we feel about ourselves?

It means that when I think about it I get to tell myself exactly that 

I'm mine!  I am my person and I will love me because I am mine and I will be with me for the rest of my life.

It's not contingent on achievement, it's just there.

Because I'm mine.

We get to love who we are for just that reason alone.

And then we learn to love ourselves in the varying layers and versions of ourselves.  Through what we learn, what we try and fail to do, what we feel in any moment.  

So, with that in mind I have started journaling everyday with things that I love about myself and things that I value within myself.  

And it's a practice, right?  This isn't something that will be like flicking a switch and *bam* you're healed!  

This is the long haul, the big game, and it's the best one you can ever play

Life

So let's live it! Fully, purposefully and beautifully in who we are 

With so much love,
Emily