Holy smokes that was scary! But I’m so glad I did it.

This is hard to share, it’s uncomfortable and I have the fear of being judged popping up as I write this. But, I feel like I have to share it because of the profound effect it is having on my life and I am at a point where I will not be ruled by fear anymore. I will not let the fear of judgement or ridicule stop me in my life. What I am learning is changing me and I want to share so that maybe others can explore what could be possible for them too. But just to be completely transparent I will be talking about sex, so if that makes you squeamish you might want to look into why. Because we shouldn’t be scared to talk about this, but I get it. I was too. Which is why I had to find a way to change that part of my life.

Have you ever done something that scared the shit out of you to do? Something that made you curious but was so far out of your wheelhouse that you coudln’t even imagine what that could look like in your life?

That’s how I felt when I first realized that I wanted to look into healing what I now know was my sexual trauma. Honestly I didn’t even know I had that. Yes, I had experienced some things that I didn’t like in the realm of sex, but I just figured that was normal.

That it was normal to have a burning pain in my vagina almost every time after sex

That it was normal to not really feel anything and only have clitoral orgasms (if I could even orgasm at all during sex, which was rare)

I thought that my low sex drive was something that most women had on and off. I would make excuses and put off sex pretty much every time. (In my previous marriage we would go 6 months or longer in between sexual encounters.)

I thought it was normal.

And sadly, it is. but it really shouldn’t be. We’ve been fed a lie that these things are just how it is and it’s normal.

But it doesn’t have to be

I attended a webinar a few years ago that completely changed my life. My cousin, Janne Robinson, held a webinar with a woman and it was titled “Vaginal Kung Fu”. Now, normally there’s no way I would have attended anything like that, but it was my cousin doing it and I trusted her. I trusted that the information needed to be learned and something sparked in me to watch the webinar.

So I did

And this is where I was introduced to Kim Anami and the world of sex and intimacy opened up for me in a way that is difficult to describe. But it took me awhile to sign up. I looked at her website and listened to her podcasts for months before I had the courage to do anything. I was scared, becuase I didn’t see myself and how I looked at who I was, anywhere in what she posted. I wasn’t having the experiences that those women were and, in my mind, there was no way I could ever get there. That had to be made up and fake, some sort of woo woo.

Nope, it truly isn’t.

So, I shakily signed up for VKF (Vaginal Kung Fu) in Jan 2023 and my life changed. But it has taken time. Some of the women in my course got tremendous results in the first months! I did not. I had my own battles to face, my own beliefs to rewrite and come to terms with.

But now, 16 months later, I can’t imagine my life going any other direction but more in this realm.

I have unlocked a new stratosphere of feeling in my vagina. 🤯

I love myself more and more each day (with the weeks in between where my old self pops up and we go to battle again, but it’s happening less and less)

The level of connection and ecstasy between me and my husband has increased tremendously, and we are still on the beginning legs of our journey in this but I am filled with excitement and possibility!

But it has not been easy, change never is…. is it?

There have been tears and fights with past selves. There has been a new learning on how to communicate with my husband and build a deeper, unshakeable level of trust. Which I honestly thought we already had (and we did) but it wasn’t all encompassing for me, I had issues I didn’t even know I had until they arose. Which I never would have even known if I didn’t open myself up to this work. And it was the trust I had to build within myself, the deep level of love that I had to fall into within my own being.

We are learning to communicate and open up to each other in deeper more meaningful ways

We schedule connection dates, we actively make sure we are talking about sex and communicating what we need and what intimacy means to us. And discovering that it’s not what we both thought the other thought! (This was such a new thing for both of us….to actually talk openly about this topic in a real and deep way)

I cannot being to imagine my life without this path now. and I am so proud of myself that I stuck to the practices and did not give up because I wasn’t having the same out come that my new friends from VKF were having.

I’m not even saying this right, it’s very strange for me to be writing this down. But I’m glad I did this too.

”Nothing changes if nothing changes”

One of my favourite quotes of all time.

With love, gratitude and just a little bit of courage

Emily