Sorry, but I’m not actually ugly.
I was lost the last couple of years. I lost myself in the attempt at being something else. Not even fully knowing what I was trying to be.
The perfect wife,
The accommodating step mother,
The team manager,
The constant support system,
And putting effort into those things is great, and needed when they exist in your life.
But for me, it became everything in the last few years.
I lost the vision for me, I lost sight of what feeds my soul and lights a fire in my heart.
I’m talking about the relationship that I have with myself and my place in the world.
I have to say it out loud, how lost I really became last year and the embarrassment that I felt:
“Hi, my name is Emily. I’m 43 years old and I worked part time bussing tables”
That’s how far I let myself fall out of alignment with who I really am
Not that there is anything wrong with bussing tables, don’t get me wrong. It is a much needed position within a restaurant. You keep busy and get to engage with customers
But it is not me, I have TOO much skill for that and I have to let myself know it. TO remind myself of it.
Have you ever felt that? That feeling that you forgot yourself in some way. That you stopped putting yourself first and just kept trying to meet everyone else’s needs?
That you limit yourself, out of fear or doubt or confusion?
I know that I am not alone in this.
It’s almost easier in a way isn’t it? Easier to just push yourself aside and focus on those around you
But it cannot last, I promise you.
Without taking the time for yourself, to really know who you are and how you want to be in this world, you will reach a breaking point.
A point where you look in the mirror and one of the first things you say to yourself is “Oh god, I’m ugly”.
I looked in the mirror after my workout one morning and that was the first thought in my head. And it was then that I thought to myself
“That’s enough Emily, it’s time to move past this because that is not true.”
So, if any of this sounds familiar to you or you find yourself resonating with it, I encourage you to do a few things:
Take a look and pay attention to how you talk to yourself. It so indicative to truths about things that we don’t always recognize. Are you criticizing yourself daily? We need to become conscious of these times so that we can put a stop to them and ask ourselves…. Is this true and then ask again, is this REALLY true (because most of the time it is not, it is a subconscious programming that is telling you lies)
Do you take time every day to do something creative or even just something that is just for you? Creativity can be baking those cookies, or writing in your journal or colouring in your adult colouring book. Or even going outside for a walk.
3. Are there areas of your life you can say no to? Things that you do that you
can either give to someone else or just look at and notice that they are not
essential and maybe, just maybe, let them go? Or are there people in your
life who, when you’re around them, you come away feeling a little worse (I
think we’ve all spent some time around the “negative nellies”) that you can
spend less time with?
It’s time to take charge and accountability in our lives. We have the opportunity to do just that. To move in this world with purpose, on purpose and for a purpose.
With so much love,
Emily
