A start to something new…. like a blog post

This is the first bit of thought processing I did.............back in 2014. This was written by a younger Emily, a lot of this I have worked with and I know the steps I am taking (getting this website started is one of them) but I wanted to include this because this is what helped ignite me in my life, and bring about changes that were essential for me to get where I am now.

"It always starts with something, I like to think that I am a good person.  I recycle, I treat people with respect, I don’t litter and blah blah blah.  But when does the time come when I have to put myself first?  Is it selfish to think that way?  

It is so easy to get caught up in the idea of how you are supposed to be, and when you’re “not there” to use it as an excuse as to why life is the way it is and there is nothing that you can do about it.  It’s so easy to let life just happen to you instead of getting out there and making things happen.  There is a kind of safety in it.  But there is so much stagnant energy as well, like nothing moving, growing or changing  It’s just coasting and it’s not even good coasting.  It’s like sitting in traffic waiting to get somewhere.  Sure there’s good tunes on, and it’s a beautiful day out.  But you’re just sitting there, not living in its entirety. 

I want so badly to believe that there is something special about me, that I have some gift that no one else has and it is going to be something great for the world and for myself.  I have no idea what it is.  But it’s there, I am so sure of it. 

I look at the people in my life that inspire me and I want to latch on to what they are doing in the hopes that they will help me figure out what my “gift” is.  Because I can’t be all bad if someone that cool believes in me and gives me praise and holds my hand.  What a load of bull, I’m having so much trouble getting my head around the idea that maybe, just maybe, I can figure out myself by myself."